Identity Crisis? Really? Lame.

So, Lee and I were out today looking for furniture/accessories. We put our house together based on what we both could scrounge together and tried to make it work. However, we're ready to kind of update and cohesivify (ha, not a word) our home and our look... which raises the question,

...what is our look?

We started talking about what we liked, didn't like, etc. and decided that we needed an inspiration piece, something that we both loved that we could build a room around. This led to a discussion about how everything available seems to fit into a box/category: contemporary, traditional, minimalist, eclectic... what happens when you're a little bit of all of them?

This got me thinking about my own life. Kelli can attest to the fact that my personal "style" seems to encompass a little bit of everything. While I was in the education department, I did a decent job of emulating a good "teacher" look. Now I'm being slowly transformed into the artsy/outreachy "Wesley" look. Blast.

What do we learn from this? Talking through it with Lee, basically I have become That Girl, the post-grad who realizes that-after 16 years of school and plenty of down time to realize this earlier-I don't actually know who I am. If someone were to come up to me tomorrow and say, "You can design your perfect job, no pre-reqs, no conditions, just whatever you want to do," I would have no freaking idea.

An identity crisis after college is so trite, it's sickening. However, that's where I am. I don't know who I am. God, I need You to tell me who I am, who You see me as, who You designed me to be. I can't believe that You created me as this crazy conglomeration of personalities without some purpose.

Lee and I decided that now I need the inspiration piece for my life, that perfect thing that I can build the rest of my dreams and passions out of.

I need to know what drives me before I can know what it's driving me towards.

Go figure.

Just wanted to share this most recent revelation that I don't know who I am. Scary. Weird. But oddly, naming the nebulous emotion that I've been carrying around since dropping out of student teaching is helpful. I can't find my identity in my works or achievements anymore, and I don't want to be scared of responsibility. I want God to take me aside and give me a pep talk about who I am and what I can/should do in Him. That would be fun. Love you all lots!