Psalm 43:
"Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; Oh, deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man! For You are the God of my strength; why do You cast me off? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Oh, send out Your light and Your truth! Let them lead me to Your holy hill and to Your tabernacle. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; and on the harp I will praise You, O God, my God. Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God."
Been stuck on this Psalm lately. I've been marveling that I can go through this process in an instant. I can literally feel oppressed and discouraged, but as I ask for light and truth, He brings me into His presence. Multiple times in the past few weeks I've gone from fear and sadness to giddy laughter in a matter of seconds because truth hit my heart...this is crazy.
The idea of His tabernacle is for us now. His dwelling, His presence, His kingdom, His Spirit (however you want to define it) is where I want to live. And, it turns out that I have access all of the time if I will just turn and look at Him. He truly is "my exceeding joy!"
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Disclaimer: don't feel obligated to read this...I just want to write up what I'm learning more often, and for some reason a blog motivates me.
So, the sweetest thing ever that the Lord showed me the other day was in John 2. After Jesus began His ministry at the wedding in Cana, He decided to go to Jerusalem. I would imagine that His Bride was on His mind after having attended a wedding, and because He was headed to Jerusalem of all places...
Anyway, He came up to Jerusalem and went into the temple only to find it desecrated with all sorts of business going on. He had to be hurt by this. For Jesus it would sort of be like coming home to find your wife cheating on you. And, on top of that, she doesn't recognize you or even care that you are back!
Then Jesus did something really weird. John says, "He made a whip of cords" (2:15). Another translation says "He fashioned a scourge." He actually took the time to make a whip. He went back to the temple, brandished the whip, and drove the moneychangers out of the temple. His disciples recognized the fulfilled prophecy that zeal for His Father's house would consume Him, but I think there is so much more going on.
I've been stuck on the fact that Jesus made the scourge Himself. It is so intense to me. Because HIS back was scourged I am set free. Because HE was beaten, whipped, and afflicted, I am healed and delivered. Wow. I think Jesus knew in those moments even as He fashioned the whip exactly what was going to happen. Oh, and it was Passover by the way. How powerful is it that He knew, yet He made the whip Himself?! What was He thinking the whole time??? He's so jealous for us.
Jesus brandishing the whip in the temple was a picture of the full wrath of God that was going to be poured out on His own body for His temple (us)! He took the full penalty for the very harlot that betrayed Him, forgot Him, didn't recognize Him, and showed no remorse...wow.
I feel like this story sums up my last year. I was stuck in so much sin, and all I saw was Jesus with a whip. I imagined Him angry and fed up. But then He started to break in with the Gospel again. Jesus covers me. Yes, His wrath was stirred, but it was poured out on His own back. He's actually that kind. The Gospel actually is that glorious. I never would have guessed that Jesus "fashioning a whip" could romance my heart this much!
So, the sweetest thing ever that the Lord showed me the other day was in John 2. After Jesus began His ministry at the wedding in Cana, He decided to go to Jerusalem. I would imagine that His Bride was on His mind after having attended a wedding, and because He was headed to Jerusalem of all places...
Anyway, He came up to Jerusalem and went into the temple only to find it desecrated with all sorts of business going on. He had to be hurt by this. For Jesus it would sort of be like coming home to find your wife cheating on you. And, on top of that, she doesn't recognize you or even care that you are back!
Then Jesus did something really weird. John says, "He made a whip of cords" (2:15). Another translation says "He fashioned a scourge." He actually took the time to make a whip. He went back to the temple, brandished the whip, and drove the moneychangers out of the temple. His disciples recognized the fulfilled prophecy that zeal for His Father's house would consume Him, but I think there is so much more going on.
I've been stuck on the fact that Jesus made the scourge Himself. It is so intense to me. Because HIS back was scourged I am set free. Because HE was beaten, whipped, and afflicted, I am healed and delivered. Wow. I think Jesus knew in those moments even as He fashioned the whip exactly what was going to happen. Oh, and it was Passover by the way. How powerful is it that He knew, yet He made the whip Himself?! What was He thinking the whole time??? He's so jealous for us.
Jesus brandishing the whip in the temple was a picture of the full wrath of God that was going to be poured out on His own body for His temple (us)! He took the full penalty for the very harlot that betrayed Him, forgot Him, didn't recognize Him, and showed no remorse...wow.
I feel like this story sums up my last year. I was stuck in so much sin, and all I saw was Jesus with a whip. I imagined Him angry and fed up. But then He started to break in with the Gospel again. Jesus covers me. Yes, His wrath was stirred, but it was poured out on His own back. He's actually that kind. The Gospel actually is that glorious. I never would have guessed that Jesus "fashioning a whip" could romance my heart this much!
So, I had a revelation today that I was not expecting at all. Last night at church we were told to "ask the Lord for the things we longed for." I felt myself adding all sorts of exceptions and qualifications to that statement. My biggest exception that I totally avoid in prayer is the whole husband issue. I've had this idea that trusting the Lord with it means not asking. I would never tell someone else that, but's it's where my heart has been. However, today as I read Genesis I was so struck by the story of Isaac and Rebekah. They had both received giant prophetic words about being the father and mother of a great nation (Gen. 22:18, 24:60) and yet they were barren. If I had been in their shoes, I would have thought just waiting patiently was the answer; it wasn't. Fortunately, Isaac pleaded for his wife to have children, and then she did (Gen. 25:21).
God loves it when we ASK. It was already in His heart to give them children, but He waited 20 years until they cried out!
Anyway, then the Lord took me to Psalm 21:2 where the psalmist says of the Lord that He has "given him his heart's desire and not withheld the request of his lips." Dang, that's who our God is. The psalmist goes on to say that he asked for long life. That sounds like a pretty petty thing to ask for, but God delighted to give it to him?!
So, in the process of reading all of this, I came back to the husband issue. I said, "Lord, shouldn't I just be trusting that whatever happens is best?" And then I remembered Jesus. He is constantly in intercession for His Bride! He has perfect faith, but it is still right that He would ask the Father for a Bride because it is the longing of His heart.
All of the sudden I realized that I'm invited into all kinds of intimacy with Jesus over this issue. Asking for an earthly husband brings my heart into alignment with some of the emotion that Jesus is feeling! I've totally missed this. It isn't about being anxious and faithless. I get to actually use the pain of longing in my heart as an escort to know Jesus better :) How cool is that?!? And, the same principle applies to so many other longings!
God loves it when we ASK. It was already in His heart to give them children, but He waited 20 years until they cried out!
Anyway, then the Lord took me to Psalm 21:2 where the psalmist says of the Lord that He has "given him his heart's desire and not withheld the request of his lips." Dang, that's who our God is. The psalmist goes on to say that he asked for long life. That sounds like a pretty petty thing to ask for, but God delighted to give it to him?!
So, in the process of reading all of this, I came back to the husband issue. I said, "Lord, shouldn't I just be trusting that whatever happens is best?" And then I remembered Jesus. He is constantly in intercession for His Bride! He has perfect faith, but it is still right that He would ask the Father for a Bride because it is the longing of His heart.
All of the sudden I realized that I'm invited into all kinds of intimacy with Jesus over this issue. Asking for an earthly husband brings my heart into alignment with some of the emotion that Jesus is feeling! I've totally missed this. It isn't about being anxious and faithless. I get to actually use the pain of longing in my heart as an escort to know Jesus better :) How cool is that?!? And, the same principle applies to so many other longings!
Friday, October 29, 2010
i actually had sort of forgotten about this! but i'm glad y'all reminded me, because you guys were some of the best real friends i had for awhile (especially francie, who i DESPERATELY have been meaning to call for so long). i've kind of dropped off the face of the world from all of you, and a lot of stuff has happened over two years. this may come as a shock to you, but i recently wrecked my car drunk driving. last week actually. over the past two years, my drinking has steadily increased. and over the past several months, it has really spiraled out of control. but really all that matters right now is that the incident with my car was sort of like a "last straw," if you will. thankfully no one and nothing but my car was hurt. i've known i had a drinking problem for a while now, but was not willing to change until several recent events have lead me to my breaking point (always the best place to ultimately wind up, though, it seems). as of right now, i am standing at the beginning of a long, bumpy road that is finally going the right direction. ive really messed up a lot lately, but as god pulls me through this one i really believe my life is going to be hugely changed in positive ways i can faintly imagine. anyways-there's a lot to the story that doesnt need to be spelled out here, but the point of me writing this is just to ask for your prayers. for your support. sadly, this is my first weekend sober in months and i can't believe how hard it is for me to stay out of a bar. but thankfully, somehow i'm still sitting here not going to one! i start AA tomorrow (kind of embarrassing to share, but honestly i'm looking forward to finding support from people who've been through this). i've dug a deep financial hole, formed some extremely hard-to-break bad habits, and turned away from all my true friends to settle for surface level ones that make each night "fun" (and not even fun anymore). So... this is both a really difficult and a very exciting time. i'm really hopeful for the first time in a long time. i'm resolved to stay sober, one day at a time, hopefully every day for the rest of my life. but your prayers would mean the world to me as i'm just now starting to turn back to jesus and feel pretty weak and ALMOST (but not quite) unbearably alone. i really love you guys. i miss you all more than i really know how to express. thanks so much
Spiders
Hi IHOP friends :)
Would y'all pray for me...I'm reading Radical and Jeremiah, and God is really convicting me, and I'm excited about living and working with Him, but I'm also experiencing a lot of fear again. This probably sounds ridiculous, but, this kind of fear always seems to be accompanied by spiders, and lately, they've been everywhere! In my car, in a huge web by my door, in the sink, in my dreams...last night one fell from the ceiling onto my shoulder! I know the fear is irrational, but I think it's also connected to deeper things. It's happened before, so I'm recognizing it, but I'm not sure how to fight it. Anyway, I've been thinking about all of you lately (I kept hoping I'd bump into Lee and Stephanie this week in Dallas...hope you guys had a great trip!), and I thought I'd write.
Love you guys,
Molly
Would y'all pray for me...I'm reading Radical and Jeremiah, and God is really convicting me, and I'm excited about living and working with Him, but I'm also experiencing a lot of fear again. This probably sounds ridiculous, but, this kind of fear always seems to be accompanied by spiders, and lately, they've been everywhere! In my car, in a huge web by my door, in the sink, in my dreams...last night one fell from the ceiling onto my shoulder! I know the fear is irrational, but I think it's also connected to deeper things. It's happened before, so I'm recognizing it, but I'm not sure how to fight it. Anyway, I've been thinking about all of you lately (I kept hoping I'd bump into Lee and Stephanie this week in Dallas...hope you guys had a great trip!), and I thought I'd write.
Love you guys,
Molly
Friday, January 22, 2010
His Greatest Mercy
Back story: I have been thinking a lot about God as Judge recently. And most of those thoughts have also been soaked in the knowledge that God is also Love, which I can share with you if you like, but the post here is, at surface, different.
Last night I was struggling with sexual stuff again- it was both keeping me awake and slowly making me not want to sleep. I knew that starting down that path would eventually make it harder and harder not to continue on it, but still I found myself inching down it nonetheless. Before giving in, I suddenly said, "I want to fear You." And immediately something altered. So I said it a few more times, and then fell asleep. [Falling asleep was a wonderful gift from Him, and I know also that He gave me those words because they came out of nowhere.]
This morning I awoke with revelations of His Power and His Judgment. I realized at any moment I could fall through the floor beneath me from an earthquake. And I realized any moment I could be standing before God the Father, more real than any tangible thing around me. And I asked for Him to have mercy even amidst His Judgment. And as the revelation of His Power became more and more real, I told Him I did not want a revelation of His Power and His Judgment without a revelation of His Love. I then quickly took that back thinking that any revelation of Him is worthwhile. I did, however, continue asking that He would also show me His mercy.
And this is the revelation that followed:
His greatest mercy is to reveal Himself. And when I do not fathom that truth, it is because I do not fathom the reality of His existence.
"And this is eternal life: that they know You, and Your Son whom You have sent." John 17:3
It is not just mercy amidst His Judgment that He reveals Himself [Ezekiel 6:13-14], but it is His mercy to bring Judgment so that we will know Him. To fear Him now is far better than to fear Him when it is too late.
This being said: His Love is stronger than death and His jealousy demanding as the grave! Can't wait for even more revelation of His Love!!!!! [Song of Solomon 8]
Last night I was struggling with sexual stuff again- it was both keeping me awake and slowly making me not want to sleep. I knew that starting down that path would eventually make it harder and harder not to continue on it, but still I found myself inching down it nonetheless. Before giving in, I suddenly said, "I want to fear You." And immediately something altered. So I said it a few more times, and then fell asleep. [Falling asleep was a wonderful gift from Him, and I know also that He gave me those words because they came out of nowhere.]
This morning I awoke with revelations of His Power and His Judgment. I realized at any moment I could fall through the floor beneath me from an earthquake. And I realized any moment I could be standing before God the Father, more real than any tangible thing around me. And I asked for Him to have mercy even amidst His Judgment. And as the revelation of His Power became more and more real, I told Him I did not want a revelation of His Power and His Judgment without a revelation of His Love. I then quickly took that back thinking that any revelation of Him is worthwhile. I did, however, continue asking that He would also show me His mercy.
And this is the revelation that followed:
His greatest mercy is to reveal Himself. And when I do not fathom that truth, it is because I do not fathom the reality of His existence.
"And this is eternal life: that they know You, and Your Son whom You have sent." John 17:3
It is not just mercy amidst His Judgment that He reveals Himself [Ezekiel 6:13-14], but it is His mercy to bring Judgment so that we will know Him. To fear Him now is far better than to fear Him when it is too late.
This being said: His Love is stronger than death and His jealousy demanding as the grave! Can't wait for even more revelation of His Love!!!!! [Song of Solomon 8]
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