Karlee

Hey Karlee--
I opened it up so that anyone can read it, so your friend should be able to access it now. If possible, though, could I have his email address so I can just add him to the permissions? Aderhold has made me overly cautious about public things online...

Nathaniel

So there's a boy in my Kindergarten class, Nathaniel. Last semester, it was a boy named Ryan. Both of these boys have become cemented in my heart in a way I can't really explain and don't really understand. Both of them are very smart boys, but aren't challenged in their classes, so they become behavior problems because they're bored. Maybe it's coming in with a fresh set of eyes, or many it's God, but I think I see them differently than their teachers do. When I get to work with them, I make it a point to challenge them, and they respond so well to me. I just have this weird maternal love for them... like, I still cry because I miss Ryan. I'm scared of how much I'm going to care for Nathaniel by the end of this semester. I don't know why God brings these boys into my life just to take them away again. How do I know that Ryan's going to be okay? If something ever happened to him, I would never know. I just don't understand.

I was really upset about all of this yesterday, about finding that line between caring for people and opening yourself up to getting hurt. I've just gotten screwed so many times in relationships (more friends than fellas), and I want to find a way to stop it. Part of my God issue right now is that I don't really believe that He's going to pick me, that He sees me, or that He loves me enough. I know He loves me, but I want to be that special one, His Ryan, His Nathaniel. I want Him to desire me the way that no one else ever has. I just don't believe that He does. I don't know how to fix that.

I don't want this post to just be a woe is me, another time that Stephanie's talking about her sad relationships. I know y'all are sick to death of hearing it. I just wanted to be honest and open about what I'm really feeling with God right now. At least I've figured out what to call it. I'm trying really hard to be thankful for what I do have, for all of the ways I'm blessed, and the friendships I'm trying to keep... I'm just looking for that extra sign from God, I guess. Maybe Ryan will show up at my door and ask me to adopt him. That'd be cool.

Fran, thanks so much for Hosea 2:14, it's helped...

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."

Nice, right? Love y'all.

"[Jesus] went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone."

This is more just an intriguing thought than scripturally undebatable... but it makes me wonder.

Moses was a man whom God spoke to face to face as a friend. However, this made Moses' face "radiant" or dependant on who translates, disfigured. It was so changed that he had to veil his face when he came out of the LORD's presence so that the people were not so affected by his appearance.

Later in Jesus' ministry, rather than going on a mountain to pray alone, he brings Peter, James, and John along with Him. [Perhaps interesting to note is that originally on mt. Sinai, the cloud [which seems to be the LORD's presence] settled on the mountain for six days and then God spoke on the seventh day....... in this passage it says "After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves." matt 17:1.]

While they are on the mountain (this being the transfiguration of Jesus), "[Jesus'] face shone like the sun," and "a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!' When the disciples heard this, they fell face down on the ground, terrified."

Just makes me think a bit-- even more so than the wonderful parallels between Jesus and Moses, about Jesus' alone times with God on the mountain tops. I have always thought of it as our own alone time-- just spending time alone with God!
And yet every time the crowds follow him and when Jesus seeing them, rather than being annoyed, he "has compassion on them."

So I was led to wonder tonight that perhaps Jesus' concealment was not solely to be alone with the LORD, but perhaps also because His encounters would scare the MESS out of people, and He understood that! Perhaps it wasn't just being alone for Him-- it was a desire to be MORE in the presence of God than we could withstand.

WOW!!

Kind of makes me want to think of my alone time with Jesus a bit differently.

Maybe I don't want JUST to be alone with Him, but also to experience something with Him in a degree that He could not show before others. Perhaps there is a special bond like that with all of us.

Just made me think. Love y'all!!

Praying for authority

Hey guys, I thought that I could go by the post office and still get to class on time but I misjudged how slow the line could be. I have some free time and I think God wants me to spend it with HIM. I was telling Stephanie this morning about spiritual authority and how it is readily our if we have faith and call out for it. This kinda goes along with the post about brother Yun and how persecution has forced the church in China to rely on the Holy Spirit. We all have authority that comes from the FATHER and all we have to do is ask and believe it in our hearts. I was reading in the Book of Acts where Peter and John met a beggar at one of the temple gates. See how Peter uses his spiritual authority to perform a miracle, "Then Peter said, 'Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.' Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong(Acts 3:6-7)." Later on in the 10th chapter, the Roman soldier Cornelius calls for Peter to come to his home. When Peter entered, Cornelius "fell at his feet in reverence" and here is Peter's response, "But Peter made him get up. 'Stand up,' he said, 'I am only a man myself (Acts 10:26)." I love that! Peter, a man, a man who sinned until he died, a man who denied Jesus, he was able to heal a crippled beggar. Claim the authority! We have it now and Peter is an example of what we can do when we humble ourselves before God. A friend told me once he was watching a movie set in the time of the Catholic Reformation. One of the church leaders was showing a monk around one of the huge cathedrals that was very decadent and richly decorated in the extreme. The church leader haughtily declared, "No longer can Saint Peter's church say silver or gold I do not have!" The humble monk replied, "And no longer can you say, 'in the name of Jesus walk.'" We, the American church need to be careful and focus on who we get our authority from instead of worshiping the pleasures of this world. Well, I hope everybody has a blessed day and remember, Jesus is with you wherever you go!

Hidden Teachers

I have a burning question inside me tonight. I am reading Heavenly Man. I am awed over and over by this guy's miraculous encounters with God and the unbelievable visions and answers to prayer he experiences repeatedly. I keep asking myself, "God, why don't I have encounters with You like the ones I'm reading? Why doesn't the church in America see anything like this?" 

There is this part where Brother Yun is asking God where to go and why God doesn't protect him from persecution since he keeps getting discovered, arrested, and beaten everywhere he tries to preach. The Lord shows him two verses: #1) 1 Peter 2:21-Basically, Christ suffered as an example for you so you could follow in His steps. and #2) Isaiah 30:20-21-Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'

I have NEVER looked at that verse with the same thought as I did tonight. Could it be possible that in North America we don't experience the frequent clarity of His voice with teaching and direction with our own ears because we don't suffer adversity and affliction as a nation? Could this be saying that unless we know the desperate NEED of Christ's personal guidance in our lives due to persecution as the bride of Christ, we may not have this teacher we can see with OUR OWN EYES and hear behind us? I don't know if I'm just thinking crazy thoughts here.

I know we hear the Lord. We feel His nudge and sort of end up doing what He wants us to. That kind of hearing isn't the kind I am saying we lack in our country. And I know we all have the ability to prophesy and there's places like Morningstar and so on... but I am talking about the kind like Brother Yun experiences. Physical tapping on his shoulder, an audible voice of God, a vision of a man bringing a Bible in a red cloth followed by a knock on the door where a man with a Bible in a red cloth is standing, knowing the name and clothes of a man who will be at his house that afternoon from a village far away who shows up dressed as expected and with the right name a few hours later....it's intense.

I don't know what I'm talking about really, I would just like to hear y'alls thoughts on this-if you have any thoughts on whether part of our missing out on God's clarity of direction and guidance could be because we are so content and satisfied in our fat, sassy country, while other nations are exploding in their faith while they suffer for the Cross daily...

in our weakness He is strong

I have a friend, Stephanie, that has had similar struggles to Carly's friend from her previous post. She has spent the last couple years in and out of rehab, addicted to many different drugs and alcohol, running from problems and hurts from the past. I have had a longing for Jesus to encounter her, and tonight, for the first time ever, we had a conversation about Him and how much He loves her and how much better He is than everything she has tried. We prayed, but she isn't sold out yet. She feels stuck and unworthy, and doesn't know how to practically get out of the mess she is in. She doesn't know how to function without being on drugs and alcohol now, and needs to get help, but feels like she has been there and tried that with rehab. I don't know what the next step is for her, but I know this is a hard fight, and she can't do it on her own. Some people thinks she may need to fall even more before she can recover, but I see her brokenness and it breaks my heart. Jesus is jealously chasing her. Please pray for Stephanie and for my discernment!

So, this isn't exactly "scroll" related, but I was just watching "Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian", and there's this fantastic moment where Aslan (like Jesus) is trying to knight (like marry) Prince Caspian (like the church).

Aslan: Rise, kings and queens of Narnia.
[Peter, Edmund, and Susan stand up, but Caspian stays on one knee]
Aslan: All of you.
Prince Caspian: I do not think I am ready.
Aslan: It is for that very reason, that I know you are.

He comes back when we're ready; He knows when we're prepared. And then, He encourages us to walk in all that He knows we are capable of walking in. And if anyone knows what we can do, He knows. I love that He can see us without sin, as we were originally created. He can see past our junk and insecurities, the lies that we allow to define our every moment. Even in our greatest sense of "truth," we can never see us as He does. So take heart, my loves, that He sees our greatest potential, and He is going to lead us into it as we are ready. I also loved the quote earlier in the movie when Lucy sees Aslan again for the first time since they returned to Narnia:

Lucy: You've grown!
Aslan: Every year you grow, so shall I.

It's like that conversation that I was having with one of you that time... yeah, there were a lot of conversations throughout the week... about how God reveals different parts of Himself to us as we are ready to receive them. I figure, if God were to show us all of Himself at once, one - we'd die, and two - ...we'd probably fall over and die again. So, He shows us bits and pieces as we pursue Him and show Him we are ready for more, which is silly because He knows us better than we do, so really, we're showing ourselves that we're ready for more of Him too.

Anyway, just wanted to share my love of Narnia with y'all, and also ask for some prayer. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow... I have either an ectopic pregnancy or another ovarian cyst... we'll know soon. Anyway, love you lots, covet your prayers, and talk to you soon!

Love that surpasses knowledge

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." Ephesians 4:14-19

I was just reading this. I'm sure you've read it at some point, probably multiple points. But it's really worth sitting and staring at for awhile. I mean there's a lot of terms in here that sound really fantastic that I've never actually considered. Think about it: 

     *What could the RICHES of the GLORY of the Father possibly be like? Because he is sharing them with us as an inheritance since we are adopted as His sons and daughters through Jesus.

     *Do we feel strengthened with His power through His Spirit in our inner man? Because he has promised to do that for us! What does the strength granted by the HOLY SPIRIT look like in our inner man? Are we walking in that strength!?

     *Are we rooted and grounded in love? What does that even mean in a realistic real-life day-to-day sense?!

     *Do we KNOW Christ's exceeding love? Do we comprehend how vast it is?

     *What on earth will we look like when we are filled up with the FULLNESS OF GOD ALMIGHTY!???! who created the heavens and earth, who is coming to reign as King, who lived as a man without sin, who is perfect, and everywhere, the beginning, the end, who has perfect love, and grants perfect peace?! I can't even imagine...

     I could sit and think about this verse probably for the rest of time.... I'm nowhere near this verse in my walk of faith, but all of it is promised to us as believers. THIS IS SOOOO MY NEW PRAYER FOR ALL OF US!!!!

Revelation Attainable

God is good!

What Jesus said and did after His resurrection truly encouraged me today and I wanted to share it with all of you!

"He said to them, 'How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?' And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself." -Luke 24:25-27

Later on he appears also to the Eleven along with these previous two women saying:

"'This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.' Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. He told them, 'This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.'" -Luke 24:44-49

Mostly I am encouraged that firstly, He addresses their slowness of heart to believe the prophets, but then in patience tells them Himself all the prophecies pertaining to Himself. Then when He appears again to all of them, He "[opens] their minds so they [can] understand the Scriptures."

Just an encouragement to be faithful in our reading the scriptures so that we may see His glory as it unfolds, and also an encouragement to believe what has been prophesied!!

Love you all and I am so grateful to have a community who is thirsty for Him!

Salvation

So I have a wonderful exciting piece of news to share for when everyone gets on here! Back when I worked at Schlotzskys in college I made a friend named Philip. This was back when I was way miserable. Philip and me hung out a lot, drank together, smoked week together. We had "fun." The false kind. But it was sad. I felt like the most horrible Christian around him. He was really talented at graphics and quit school to work for a company as their graphics guy. He is soooo nice and happy and fun. But he was completely apathetic about religion. He could not have cared less and if you ever tried to talk about it, he was like whatever Christians are dumb. That stuff is crazy. I had a horrible experience with him smoking weed one night and we sort of parted ways and haven't hung out since. This was before I went to Brazil and got delivered from a spirit of death (so he doesn't know anything about me now). He called me several times after and pretend like nothing had happened but I always ignored his called. I felt like I needed to sever our friendship so that I wouldn't stumble in my actions around him and cause him to furhter think Christians were hypocrites.We would run into each other downtown drunk...because I still struggled with that until like-this week....But it was always really awkward. ANyways-on facebook today his status is at the top. It says, "Philip has been pursued by God and is now reconciled to Christ!" So I look up his number on facebook, since I had long since deleted it. And I immediately called him. We both got choked up to speak to each other again. And it was so awesome because he told me his radical testimony of God chasing him through loving friends and horrible experiences with sin. And now he is chasing God, a brand new believer, HUNGRY FOR THE WORD!!! and prayer! And excited and joyful. With a cloud of new witness friends surrounding him. This was AMAZING for me. I began to cry listening to him. Because this boy is the last person on earth I expected to change. I had more hope for atheists, because at least they think about God. Or miserably depressed people, because they know the world comes up short. Or people going through failure, because they are longing for something to help them. But this guy has a job, has "fun," gets all sorts of girls and has sex all the time, really apathetic. BUT GOD REACHED HIM. God chased after him for a year straight and made it so that no other lover even came close enough. He slowly fell in love with Jesus until finally he had no choice but to surrender to him. And his roommates all think he's crazy! But he doesn't care! The joy of his new salvation brought me great hope that Jesus does GREAT things in HIS power. He can change ANYONE's heart!! And this isn't like a "I accept Jesus yay" salvation. He is already seeking, praying, pouring into the Bible. He is excited about reading it! And he has been awakened to the reality of the Holy Spirit and spiritual forces and everything! It is awesome, guys. I can;t put into words how amazing his transformation is. And how exciting it is that we are going to meet up soon and re-discover each other as new creations. And begin a restorative Godly friendship as two totally new people in Christ. How rare for such an opportunity. We are both so excited to see each other again for the first time and have that first hug as brother and sister in Christ!!! ive been shaking all afternoon. His name is Philip so give the Lord a praise for Phil's new life!!!WOOO! He's really doing this. He's really building His army!!! Praise Jesus.

Hello!

Hey friends!
Well, this is the blog! Hope it works out for everyone to use and such. I don't really know what all to say here... it was a great week, and I can't wait to further pursue the Lamb with you all! I'll be adding the pictures next week when I have my camera cord back... my packing skills leave something to be desired. Anyway, talk to you all soon, and love you lots!