Friday, October 29, 2010

i actually had sort of forgotten about this! but i'm glad y'all reminded me, because you guys were some of the best real friends i had for awhile (especially francie, who i DESPERATELY have been meaning to call for so long). i've kind of dropped off the face of the world from all of you, and a lot of stuff has happened over two years. this may come as a shock to you, but i recently wrecked my car drunk driving. last week actually. over the past two years, my drinking has steadily increased. and over the past several months, it has really spiraled out of control. but really all that matters right now is that the incident with my car was sort of like a "last straw," if you will. thankfully no one and nothing but my car was hurt. i've known i had a drinking problem for a while now, but was not willing to change until several recent events have lead me to my breaking point (always the best place to ultimately wind up, though, it seems). as of right now, i am standing at the beginning of a long, bumpy road that is finally going the right direction. ive really messed up a lot lately, but as god pulls me through this one i really believe my life is going to be hugely changed in positive ways i can faintly imagine. anyways-there's a lot to the story that doesnt need to be spelled out here, but the point of me writing this is just to ask for your prayers. for your support. sadly, this is my first weekend sober in months and i can't believe how hard it is for me to stay out of a bar. but thankfully, somehow i'm still sitting here not going to one! i start AA tomorrow (kind of embarrassing to share, but honestly i'm looking forward to finding support from people who've been through this). i've dug a deep financial hole, formed some extremely hard-to-break bad habits, and turned away from all my true friends to settle for surface level ones that make each night "fun" (and not even fun anymore). So... this is both a really difficult and a very exciting time. i'm really hopeful for the first time in a long time. i'm resolved to stay sober, one day at a time, hopefully every day for the rest of my life. but your prayers would mean the world to me as i'm just now starting to turn back to jesus and feel pretty weak and ALMOST (but not quite) unbearably alone. i really love you guys. i miss you all more than i really know how to express. thanks so much

Spiders

Hi IHOP friends :)
Would y'all pray for me...I'm reading Radical and Jeremiah, and God is really convicting me, and I'm excited about living and working with Him, but I'm also experiencing a lot of fear again. This probably sounds ridiculous, but, this kind of fear always seems to be accompanied by spiders, and lately, they've been everywhere! In my car, in a huge web by my door, in the sink, in my dreams...last night one fell from the ceiling onto my shoulder! I know the fear is irrational, but I think it's also connected to deeper things. It's happened before, so I'm recognizing it, but I'm not sure how to fight it. Anyway, I've been thinking about all of you lately (I kept hoping I'd bump into Lee and Stephanie this week in Dallas...hope you guys had a great trip!), and I thought I'd write.
Love you guys,
Molly